I know, this article may surprise many of you but I actually wanna speak more, wanna share more, because I think I have a lot to share and a lot to learn. So doing it here to start seems logic. This blog is like my journal even if I usually post about fashion, just writing helps me. I love it, I always wanted to write books and I actually wanted to be a writer but I kind of forgot about this dream. But now with the blog and other personals things, I feel like I have many things to share and yeah I’m writing in english so forget about the mistakes, I’m learning.
First, I must say that not all of this is true of course but it’s based on some personal experiences & stories I heard.
Okay so let’s talk about Dating Experiences, yaaaaw ! When it comes to love, I must admit that I kind of have crazy, weird but alive stories to tell. People who follow me on Snapchat know how it’s a struggle for me to meet men. Actually since I arrived in France, at 18yo I must have had 2 relationships and the rest is some guys I quickly dated. You should know that I’ve always being looking for real love (but I’m still single aha) and I fell in love one time, 5 years ago, in High School. It was really hard for me to forget this guy, he was my first love. Anyway when I moved to Paris, I was still into him. Unfortunately, we didn’t reconnected and I was still obsessed with him. And I don’t know why, but I didn’t met a lot of men which I was into. I dated 2 guys (one for 3 months & the other for weeks) but it wasn’t serious at all, I still had feelings for my first love and the new guys weren’t the ones, I guess. I tried, I tried to meet people but either the guys I wanted were gay, in couple or just not into me. I was feeling almost depressed especially that I was certain that I won’t find love in Paris, I wasn’t attracted by the type of guys who lived there and I’m just unlucky and super naive when it comes to love stories. I wanna find love so much that when I met someone who I’m into, it’s hard for me to let go especially because it’s hard for me to open to someone. So I don’t wanna start again, meet someone again, try to be me again… I just wanna meet the one (so I won’t have to worry to end up alone and with cats even if I prefer dogs), so I can think about my wedding dress aha. I always wonder if I will find the one someday, I don’t even know if he exists.
It’s maybe weird but I always knew that I will find love in NY, or at least date people here. And when I came here for the first time in May, wow, I never dated so many guys of my life. Crazy. I don’t know, guys here must think I’m not so ugly. So yeah New York seems to be where I need to be. And since I’m back, it’s exactly like when I was here months ago. I met so many people, I still don’t believe it. It’s a new experience for me and I’m learning a lot. I’m also changing and sometimes it makes me scared because I’m becoming less naive and I’m not really looking for love anymore. And also because I’m moving on, I’m forgetting the past and I don’t really gorget everything about it because it will confirm that it wasn’t true, it wasn’t mean to be and it wasn’t real. My last experiences kind of affects me and teached me in a certain way so now I just wanna date and I’m fine with it, too fine. I know, people won’t maybe approve how I’m moving on and dealing with the past but it’s hard to forget and start again so whatever the way, the important is that this works.
How or Where Do I meet guys in New York ?
Don’t judge me pleaaaaaaase. Mmm actually, you can, I don’t care, I just wanna share because I’m sure there people as crazy and alive than me. And I’ll feel better to know that I’m not the only one as I always feel I don’t belong to this word. So I met guys I date here everywhere, in the bus, in the streets, via Tinder, via other social networks. And thing is here everything just seems easy. And the guys I went out with were are dopeeeeee, even if they weren’t all my type, aha ok there were no feeling with all. I don’t totally believe to this “type” thing but anyway. ! Aha, and “guys” ? Not, “the guy” ? Yeah, I told you, I’m not looking for love anymore, at least not for now. I wanna live, experience, enjoy. I never really date before so it’s like a first time and I enjoy it, I love it. I also think I need that to learn, to grow up. And if dating kind makes me feel better, why not ?
The first guy I meet when I moved here one month, Jake is older than me, I think something like 27. I just never remember details, never mind. I start talking with him a few weeks before I came here, he saw me on the snapchat of a a friend and then asked me to add him on Snapchat. We didn’t talk a lot, he was just commenting my snapchat videos by telling that I was pretty and that he couldn’t wait to see me here. Mmm, according to his pics, he seemed handsome but I wasn’t really into him, when I saw his pictures, I mean there was no excitation. And thing is I was dealing with old feelings as u know so I wanted to date in NY to forget and to experience here, I mean last time I was in the city, I was lucky in a certain way and I felt so good. So when I arrived here, Jake and I met after his work, a week day around 6PM. What I noticed when he arrived is that he was wearing a shirt and a suit (he went at work before) and he wasn’t so tall. I wasn’t like omg he’s fucking cute or whatever as I can be, yeah I’m really excited when I love something or someone (crazy). Anyway, we went to a bar and he talked. A lot. Well I don’t talk that much and it was the first time I was seing the guy and as shy as I am (it maybe not obvious but I’m kind of working on it), it wasn’t easy to be natural. That must also probably be because there were no feelings, at least I hadn’t. And I thought he was boring as fuck, sorry it’s mean but not so sorry. He was asking so many questions (serious and adults questions) and like boring questions which required me to think a lot, and I don’t love that, think a lot (omg can’t believe I just said that). So I tried to answer but he was like oh what’s the craziest thing u did in ur life, euh man I’m 23yo and I just wanna have fun and not be surrounded by ten millions questions. I was also tired and jet lagged this day so I told myself that maybe it was because of that I didn’t talked a lot and think everything about him was boring and that this date sucked. We texted each other a few times but first I didn’t wanna see him again. Weeks ago, I was bored and I wanna give us a second chance (because we never know and come on I’m new in the town and I need to meet people) so we met again. This time, we went to his place and then we watched a show (interesting show actually), netflix & chill u know. I knew I was into him but I must confessed I was trying to forget the past and move on. After that, we texted each other but I stop answering because one day he was like I wanna see you and then he wasn’t answering and yeah I don’t have time to lost especially if I’m not into the guy. Oh actually we really stopped talking because one day I was going to meet another guy, Nell (meet him on Tinder). When I arrived to Nell‘s place I texted him so he can come downstair. By mistake, I texted Jake instead and send him “I’m here.” – “Sorry for u” instead of “Sorry not for u” and then “This message wasn’t for u, my bad”. Ok, I was kind of high and this is so me (unlucky) and Jake answered “Smh. Don’t be confusing me with your other hoes”. A friend told me he was probably joking but I didn’t take his message well, he was insulting me and it could have not be true, I mean, maybe I was sending this message to a girl, how could he know ? Where was the proof that this message was for another guy I was dating ? And Jake was just upset because I didn’t wanna see him again (after second time we met), he figured it out. I’m still shocked by his answer even if it was kinda true aha but he didn’t know that. Poor guy, see I’m becoming such a bitch, thanks to the cowards I used to date, yaw.
The next guy, Ben, I met him in May when I was here and we dated almost all the time I was here. We met in a club and then we started hanging out. He was nice but I couldn’t see myself with a guy like him, I didn’t love his style (you may not believe it (aha) but yes style is super important for me guys) and I thought I deserve more, yeah he wasn’t so good looking too actually but he was interesting. Well even if he had a daughter and had an alcohol problem… New York is definitely where everything can happened (And I told you, it always happens to me things I need to share aha). So we kept in touch when I came back in Paris and he knew I was coming again. When I arrived in NY, we didn’t talk before 2 weeks later and he was acting weird, like he was busy. It was maybe true but whatever, I think even if someone is really busy, he can find 5 min for u if he cares about u. Truth is he must have been angry with me or could have been. Because I met 2 other guys when I met him in NY in May and I totally forgot about him by the end of my stay when I met the 2 others. I started lying by telling I was sick when he wanted to see me as I was totally on the third one. The first one was boring and the third one, I won’t talk about him. All I can say is that I was into him and I thought he was also into me but today, I realized this “story” wasn’t real. So yeah I wasn’t good with Ben either, don’t say Karma because I always be super nice w guys and I’m so naïve, I’ve always been the one who suffers but it must stop. Yeah, this is not so me. But it’s the best way to protect myself and I don’t really have regrets, I just don’t wanna be hurt again. So I’m hurting other people ? Well, I don’t really wanna do that, I’m no sorry but it just happened and it’s not like I make promises so it could be worst. So Ben finally waked up last week and wanna to see me but I was sick and I didn’t wanna see him, it was my pay back to say no even I really couldn’t, I had to wash my hair, and you know, it takes too much time to take care of natural hair. It’s crazy because first he was like i’m busy and now he really want to see me. See how men must always play games, I’m sick about it !
I met Nell via Tinder. Third time of my life that I met someone via this application. First & second time was in Paris. First time, I didn’t imagine myself with the guy but I could have been friend with him so yeah nothing’s special. Second one, I’m sure he was gay. He was talking too much and had a lot of (feminine) manners (too much hands when he was talking, u’re not a girl come on). And omg I hated his voice and there was something weird with his face. So Nate is the first one I met via Tinder in NY. He’s a model and he plays piano too, yaw. And he’s super tall and have a lot of tattoos and he’s sexy. We met two times, he’s cool to hang out with but nothing more. I will probably see him again if I’m bored someday.
The last one (for now) is a so my style. Let’s call him Dan. The old me will be so excited and already in love because he’s blond, he’s tall, he’s a model, he sings. Physically, he’s perfect and he’s nice, don’t talk to much so perfect for me again aha. But the new be is like yeah he’s cool, we’ll see, I’m not dreaming about our kids or anything like usually (ok maybe sometimes but it’s okay). I’m just dating, I’m not looking for something serious, I’m just exploring, u know.
There’s others guys I’m talking too but I haven’t seem yet. Mmm, I will tell you more soon I guess. And I can’t believe I finally started writing this kind of articles, hope you’ll like it and comment. And please feel super free to share with me (unconstructives comments are not welcome), wanna learn from you too, let me know about your experiences, what you think, everything ! xxxxxxx
PS : I know many of you will be (shocked) like, oh why is she talking about this, it’s personal, but truth is I’m not talking of something crazy. We all have experiences and if I can share and learn form some people, why not ? I don’t care, I’m changing and I love it for now so yeah I know not everyone will approve this but this is my diary, my blog, my life and what’s the risks ? And I noticed that you were a lot to read my article about when I decided to move here in NYC and why so I realized that I can do more, bring more, share more here. And this is practicing for my future book, right ? Okay I have to go now, I was supposed to go to the gym and then I started writing, for once I wasn’t feeling lazy about it, I was inspired and it just came so I couldn’t just stopped because I know I won’t continue before at least one week. #lazyness & sorry again for mistakes, i’m learning english as u know.