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Some pictures from my first very collaboration with SavagexFenty, wow, these pictures were taken a while ago, around September/October 2018. I still can’t believe I got to work with my dreamy brand. You know how much I love lingerie & Riri so imagine receiving a mail from SavagexFenty saying they want to work with me ? I’ve done a tons of shoots for them since this one, but this was the very first, I will always remember these pictures and that time so they had to be here. This one of my best collabs ever and I’m so grateful for that. Love, Oriane, xoxoxo
Friday 22. Fucking urinary infection ! I really had to move to Nyc to get all type of sicknesses. I was pretty lucky growing up, rarely sick or catching anything.. well till I moved here. Food & other unknown allergies, possibility of endometriosis (still have to get diagnosed) but I have stomach cramps 80% of the time and now a urinary infection since Wednesday, yay, and so glam !
Ahhh, it’s 8AM and I’m currently in my bathroom (typing this part on my phone, though iMessages and sending it to myself, am I the only one who texts herself ?) crying of pain and calling Jesus. My neighbors must think im possessed at that point. There’s just been so many yelling & crying nights and early mornings of stomach pain and I really hate my stomach for making me go through all of these cramps. If delivering a baby is more painful than the stomach cramps that put me down early this month, literally crying of pain, please give me all the drugs when I’m pregnant lmao cause this was so unbearable. I almost considered going to the emergency room, the pain was so awful.. but with he actual climate it wasn’t really an option so I tried tons of pills and also natural remedies like tea, baths, w**d, cbd… and cried of pain, laying on the ground and trying to find a position which will make the pain supportable. This month of May was/is filled with 15-20 cramps day and we’re only May 22th so I’ll let you do the math. I know it’s not glamour at all but it’s real and I’ve decided that these kind of real life moments would be perfect to introduce my stories diary and today, how I met dear Paul.
Introducing my Paul
“My” Paul ? asked Ms Rightie, my alter ego. Yes My Paul, why not. At least I didn’t change his name on my phone and wrote “babe” or “my sweet love” or you know another one of these cute & ridiculous surnames we like to give people we crush on. I, Oriane, yes me, I actually kept his real name associated to his number on my phone. It’s such a first for me. After a few weeks of dating someone, I usually give him a sweet surname, which give me a big bonus point with Ms Rightie for not doing this anymore. Okay back to Paul.
Again, he is T-A-L-L. I don’t know about the guys you usually meet but is it me or they make it more short and short than ever ? I adore the fact that I can stand up near him and wear some regular heels and he would still be taller, A dream. You also know the second fact which is that he is black, yes, most of my friends are surprised, me too. I’m usually more attracted by white guys, I’ve always been. But my type clearly didn’t work so I don’t think that’s important like that, such a grown up young girl, said Ms Rightie, she always has some comments to make but she knows me, all sides and saw all of me so let’s say that she can judge.
I met Paul when I went back home in Benin last December. I had my cards read in Nyc before I travel and the conclusion was that I should meet someone in January and I felt like it would be in Benin as I was gonna be there till beginning January but it could have been back in Nyc too but I don’t go anywhere anymore. And I wasn’t interested in the dusty Brooklyn niggas anymore so I was thinking that there was more chances that it happens during my trip to Benin. I’m so mad at me because I knew (let’s say I believed in it at 80% but this clearly wasn’t enough) I was maybe gonna meet someone but I dint play it smart at all. He was following me on the Gram, I mean I noticed he was when I was back in Benin last December or maybe a little before. I followed him back because I saw that he was a designer (with such an amazing work) and he was friend with one of my ex roommate so why not. I thought he looked interesting, and then he dm me because he wanted to dress me for a few parties while I was here. So the first time I actually saw him was when I went to his place (he works from there) to meet him and pick the dress he wanted me to wear, dress that he ended up gifting me which I found was adorable, especially because the dress was breathtaking. When people wanna gift me back home it’s usually stuff which don’t fit me like im very specific with t-shirts (what they seem to like to do the most) I wear and people go too crazy back home with the designs for me.
Anyway back to sweet Paul, I didn’t stay a long time because I had a long day and I was also kinda shy, I didnt know him and I guess I thought he was cute but I don’t know there was something about him. He was very calm and I was just not feeling confortable I guess because I cared about what he could be thinking of me. Yes, I should have realize that I was attracted to him from this moment but I didn’t. It’s the second time I saw him that I really though he was mad cute and so tall ! It was at church for a wedding ceremony, I saw him only a few seconds but that was all I needed x). He was wearing that day a traditional outfit and I thought he looked so so so hot. I didnt really have time to talk to him, there was so many people and I came with people who were trying to leave right after the ceremony (it was way too hot to stay outside for no reasons) so I had to as well. I mean I could have probably make an effort and talk to him a little instead of just saying hello from far away but I wasn’t alone, he wasn’t, the timing was just not the best. I could have make a move via text or something but I was still not really aware of my attraction for him or maybe I didn’t want too even if I did want to meet someone. I just wasn’t sure I was his type. We talked a little per text msgs but it was more professional and the third and last time I saw him (there wasn’t a lot of time because I had long days plus I suck at showing my interest when it comes to these things) was the day I was actually leaving Benin for Paris. I was leaving in the evening, I spent the morning and beginning afternoon running errands and ended up at his place before going back to mine as he wanted to give me another outfit to wear back to Nyc.
It was even more fast than last time I was at his place because I had to go back home pack so I don’t miss my flight. And also I don’t know, inside I was thinking please say something, kiss me, make me stay, do something… like he could have read through my eyes. I still didnt know if he liked me, he came with me downstairs to bring me back to the car and we say goodbye. I post some IG stories you know goodbye stories of my last hours in my city and you could tell I was so sad to leave, not just because of him, time went so fast and I just miss home a lot. I remember he commented on my stories saying if he knew I was that sad to leave he would have hug me so I guess from there, I thought I could show him I like him and start wishing we had more time to actually know each other. We never talked that much until the day I was living when I was in the plane. From there, I thought I was dumb because he seems to be interested and if only one of us had tried something, well I would have got kisses to remember now. Crying inside now. And yes drama queen always.
So I guess back to Nyc, him still in Benin, we talked for like 3 days, I didn’t know if it was gonna last. I mean I was attracted but I didnt thought it would go anywhere really but it did. We don’t live in the same country, but I connected with him like I did with no one. I have to say that I’m also always attracted by people who doesn’t live in the same city than me, and no I don’t do it on purpose x). After texting all the time, we started calling each other all the time too. There was a few days off I thought he wasn’t interested (after the full 3 days of talking per msgs) and when I was thought it was over before it even started, he came back to me and I was clear to him. Mrs Rightie was so proud of me for actually standing up and saying clearly what I wanted and was looking for and also what I wouldn’t allow. I wasn’t gonna loose any time, either he was really interested and was gonna make efforts meaning texting and calling me all the time you know that’s the only way we had. I thought he wouldn’t appreciate me being so straightforward at the beginning but since then he did what I wanted of him. We were only texting before but after this discussion, he actually starts to call me. He is been there for me since that day. And a few months after we started talking he asked me officially to be his girlfriend. I know, most of my friends thing I’m courageous for agreeing to date someone who is so far and also with whom I didn’t actually get to go on dates. I must say that I wouldn’t have thought that would happen to but growing up and going on several dates with no hope for a future, I knew this could be something because I seemed to really like him and let’s face it, how many times does this happen ? For me to actually like a guy who actually likes me ? More than rare.
So it’s been what 3/4 months now that we’re together, it definitely feels like more. He was supposed to come visit me in Nyc around March/April but thanks to Corona, he couldn’t. Thanks to Corona, we’re still so far and we’re so frustrated not to be together still, I mean physically. And the worst is that we have no idea when we’re finally gonna see each other. I can imagine having to tell my kids about dating their dad for a year while so far away because of Corona, lmao. Right now, we have the best video calls but I just miss him so much and hope to see him before 2021 y’all.
Does anyone is living a similar relationship ? Let me know in comments if so and how it’s going, love, Oriane xoxoxo
I’ve decided to write off my quarantine frustrations which are mostly sex frustrations, at least while waking up near 6AM EVERYDAY. I couldn’t sleep and that’s clearly all I could think about. To be honest, that’s one of the first things on my mind while going to bed and waking up. What else is there to think about ? My alter ego would answer : the rent, the work, the money, family issues, health issues… okay and I would stop her and say that sex is the answer, sex would help me deal with all of these but there’s been no sex, since a while. So yes, I can tell you all about frustration.
Also, it seems there’s nothing else that I could do to feel better about them, other than I guess write about them, maybe, maybe, they will be less intense in my head then, maybe they will let my brain breath a little bit more. Or maybe you, yes you, reading this, you have a few tips and you go through the same ? I do hope you don’t, not gonna wish that to anyone.
You must be thinking that I’m thinking too much once again because it’s been what, a little more than two months of quarantine (two months feeling like four if you want my opinion). But your sis didn’t have sex since last summer, I mean since Patrick and I broke up, which happened last September or to be honest since he literally woke up one day and decided that we weren’t a great fit, men are such asshole but that’s another episode, I gotcha.
Not having sex for eight months and having a boyfriend for once but what’s the point if he lives on the other part of the planet ? I mean, I have no idea, none, really, none, thanks Corona, of when we’re gonna be able to see each other. First, because I have no idea when the frontiers are gonna be opened or when he will be able to do his visa process to come to me. I just have no idea of when I’m finally gonna be able to see him, touch him, kiss him, fuck him and yes a bish is thirsty but again it’s been a while and sex would be great after been in quarantine, to release it all you know. I’m convinced my body is missing this, and a part of the pain I can feel is from sex being so absent at that time of my life. Also I have to mention that we’ve never done anything yet, we actually decided we were gonna be together while we weren’t in the same country anymore but that’s another episode too that deserves to be done entirely about how him and I are an “us” today or trying to.
On the other way, I’m thinking when I’m low like that what’s the point ? Even if he may be the one. But my alter ego and myself aren’t that much of big believers anymore. Look, I thought Patrick was the one. Wait, first, I need to clarify a few things. I haven’t been looking for the one like they described it in movies anymore. Younger me dreamt about crazy love, the one who fills your stomach with tons of butterflies, the one when you see the other, you become someone else, you have no more brain, when he touches you, you can feel the desire, the electricity, it’s hot and intense, the one, who doesn’t marry you, the one who just wanna have fun and fuck but who fuck you the best, like no one else. And that’s the unique reason you love this guy, because he knows how to fuck you so great, that’s the only thing he is good at too.
Listen, I’m 27yo ( and hate writing this number ugh) and I don’t dream anymore about the love that you can feel in all your bones, the love who turns all your senses, who drives you crazy.. the intense love. Ah, I just want someone real now. A love that will stay forever, something calm and mature, no more crazy or intense because those faint all with time. I want something that just feels naturally right and you can’t explain it but it just makes so much more sense. And you don’t have to be stressed, or not eat when you get a message of him, you feel like you can tell him (almost) anything, you just feel like you can be who you are and it’s totally okay for him. That’s why he likes you.
Well I thought I found that with Patrick. He was charming, smart, older, the first older guy I actually dated, I thought that my mistakes all this time were to actually pick my boyfriends at the kindergarten but believe me, older guys doesn’t necessarily mean mature guys. He was what, 30 OR 33 ( Can’t remember, you don’t deserve me to remember anything to be honest) but got scared when things started looking promising, don’t they alll say my alter ego which is always right by the way. Should we call her “Ms Rightie” ? I would have thought that someone of his age knew exactly what he wants, but no. To be honest, I think he just wanted a black girl as a trophy. Someone he could control, and first of all, Im more than a color. I know, today we’re all proud to be Black, don’t take me wrong, I am, I’ve been for a while contrarily to people who are since it’s a trend and who discovered themselves a percentage of African. I don’t have to prove to anyone that I’m black, I’ve been born and was raised home, in Benin, lived there till my 18 so I know. But with him it was like he just really so wanted to be with someone Black and was acting like you know he knew everything about what it means to be Black, and to be honest he had some thoughts that prove to me he wasn’t that educated. I think, we will agree, I can’t date someone who doesn’t believe in White Priviliege, like really nigga ? I had to prove it everyday, that I was Black and he didnt want me to be anything else than that. He just wanted me to be all the blackest I could, is it that bad ? Yes because I don’t like cases and just because I’m black doesn’t mean I don’t like I don’t know… crepes ? He always wanted me not to wear wigs and to have my natural hair (like he was gonna deal with that for me, here white people don’t realize all the work).. he doesn’t deserve that many lines here but you need to get a little bit familiar with the guy for when I’m dropping his episode cause he does deserves an episode because I’ve never deal with someone so immature and who is over 30 and maybe you can learn from it too ?
I could have been quarantined in LA with Patrick, in his beautiful house, I could have been pregnant now of him or of the abroad guy I’m dating now but again I’m quarantine alone and with no sex.
Why do I keep mentioning Patrick ? Because he is my ex, I don’t really know why it ended so it kinda haunt me sometimes. You probably want me to talk more about the new guy which I will in EP 2 so stay tuned. We gotta find him a name so what do you think about Paul ? He is so not my usual type. What’s my usual type ? Assholes who don’t want to commit, yep. The one before Patrick was the best of them all. On a more serious note, I’ve always been attracted by artists, most of the guys I’ve dated or hang out with were models, singers, music producers etc so artists, & creatives. I am a creative too and the me of today knows that two creatives isn’t usually a great fit, at least that’s not what I want. I don’t want to be in this world 100% of my time you know, I already have a job which is 100% of my time so dating someone who do kind of the same would be exhausting. We would already be in the same world, going to the same kind of events, hanging out with the same people, I mean, we will just belong in one same industry and I will never be able to have a break of that.
But anyway Paul. I mean he is kinda an artist too but he is different. He is a designer so he doesn’t belong to the cray cray music industry and he also lives back home in Benin. He is tall, oh I’m so obsessed with tall guys. Patrick and I were almost same height so I was always trying not to wear platforms (which I love a lot) and big heels not to look even taller near him. It was so so so annoying jeez because I love being tall and even look taller. I love my platforms, I can’t even believe I almost abandoned them because of Patrick, shame on me. So Paul is tall and he is a real sweetheart. I know, they all are at the beginning. But he is sweet and did such adorable things no one ever did for me. But again, it’s the beginning plus no one ever really did nice things to me except Patrick but everything was perfect with him until again he wakes up and thought that we weren’t a great fit. Nope, I will never, ever forget these words.
To be honest, I could see myself grow old with Paul, But is it weird to feel like that while we haven’t even kiss yet ? I wish we did so I could remember what it really feels instead of having to imagine this feeling in every dream I have…