Friday 22. Fucking urinary infection ! I really had to move to Nyc to get all type of sicknesses. I was pretty lucky growing up, rarely sick or catching anything.. well till I moved here. Food & other unknown allergies, possibility of endometriosis (still have to get diagnosed) but I have stomach cramps 80% of the time and now a urinary infection since Wednesday, yay, and so glam !
Ahhh, it’s 8AM and I’m currently in my bathroom (typing this part on my phone, though iMessages and sending it to myself, am I the only one who texts herself ?) crying of pain and calling Jesus. My neighbors must think im possessed at that point. There’s just been so many yelling & crying nights and early mornings of stomach pain and I really hate my stomach for making me go through all of these cramps. If delivering a baby is more painful than the stomach cramps that put me down early this month, literally crying of pain, please give me all the drugs when I’m pregnant lmao cause this was so unbearable. I almost considered going to the emergency room, the pain was so awful.. but with he actual climate it wasn’t really an option so I tried tons of pills and also natural remedies like tea, baths, w**d, cbd… and cried of pain, laying on the ground and trying to find a position which will make the pain supportable. This month of May was/is filled with 15-20 cramps day and we’re only May 22th so I’ll let you do the math. I know it’s not glamour at all but it’s real and I’ve decided that these kind of real life moments would be perfect to introduce my stories diary and today, how I met dear Paul.
Introducing my Paul
“My” Paul ? asked Ms Rightie, my alter ego. Yes My Paul, why not. At least I didn’t change his name on my phone and wrote “babe” or “my sweet love” or you know another one of these cute & ridiculous surnames we like to give people we crush on. I, Oriane, yes me, I actually kept his real name associated to his number on my phone. It’s such a first for me. After a few weeks of dating someone, I usually give him a sweet surname, which give me a big bonus point with Ms Rightie for not doing this anymore. Okay back to Paul.
Again, he is T-A-L-L. I don’t know about the guys you usually meet but is it me or they make it more short and short than ever ? I adore the fact that I can stand up near him and wear some regular heels and he would still be taller, A dream. You also know the second fact which is that he is black, yes, most of my friends are surprised, me too. I’m usually more attracted by white guys, I’ve always been. But my type clearly didn’t work so I don’t think that’s important like that, such a grown up young girl, said Ms Rightie, she always has some comments to make but she knows me, all sides and saw all of me so let’s say that she can judge.
I met Paul when I went back home in Benin last December. I had my cards read in Nyc before I travel and the conclusion was that I should meet someone in January and I felt like it would be in Benin as I was gonna be there till beginning January but it could have been back in Nyc too but I don’t go anywhere anymore. And I wasn’t interested in the dusty Brooklyn niggas anymore so I was thinking that there was more chances that it happens during my trip to Benin. I’m so mad at me because I knew (let’s say I believed in it at 80% but this clearly wasn’t enough) I was maybe gonna meet someone but I dint play it smart at all. He was following me on the Gram, I mean I noticed he was when I was back in Benin last December or maybe a little before. I followed him back because I saw that he was a designer (with such an amazing work) and he was friend with one of my ex roommate so why not. I thought he looked interesting, and then he dm me because he wanted to dress me for a few parties while I was here. So the first time I actually saw him was when I went to his place (he works from there) to meet him and pick the dress he wanted me to wear, dress that he ended up gifting me which I found was adorable, especially because the dress was breathtaking. When people wanna gift me back home it’s usually stuff which don’t fit me like im very specific with t-shirts (what they seem to like to do the most) I wear and people go too crazy back home with the designs for me.
Anyway back to sweet Paul, I didn’t stay a long time because I had a long day and I was also kinda shy, I didnt know him and I guess I thought he was cute but I don’t know there was something about him. He was very calm and I was just not feeling confortable I guess because I cared about what he could be thinking of me. Yes, I should have realize that I was attracted to him from this moment but I didn’t. It’s the second time I saw him that I really though he was mad cute and so tall ! It was at church for a wedding ceremony, I saw him only a few seconds but that was all I needed x). He was wearing that day a traditional outfit and I thought he looked so so so hot. I didnt really have time to talk to him, there was so many people and I came with people who were trying to leave right after the ceremony (it was way too hot to stay outside for no reasons) so I had to as well. I mean I could have probably make an effort and talk to him a little instead of just saying hello from far away but I wasn’t alone, he wasn’t, the timing was just not the best. I could have make a move via text or something but I was still not really aware of my attraction for him or maybe I didn’t want too even if I did want to meet someone. I just wasn’t sure I was his type. We talked a little per text msgs but it was more professional and the third and last time I saw him (there wasn’t a lot of time because I had long days plus I suck at showing my interest when it comes to these things) was the day I was actually leaving Benin for Paris. I was leaving in the evening, I spent the morning and beginning afternoon running errands and ended up at his place before going back to mine as he wanted to give me another outfit to wear back to Nyc.
It was even more fast than last time I was at his place because I had to go back home pack so I don’t miss my flight. And also I don’t know, inside I was thinking please say something, kiss me, make me stay, do something… like he could have read through my eyes. I still didnt know if he liked me, he came with me downstairs to bring me back to the car and we say goodbye. I post some IG stories you know goodbye stories of my last hours in my city and you could tell I was so sad to leave, not just because of him, time went so fast and I just miss home a lot. I remember he commented on my stories saying if he knew I was that sad to leave he would have hug me so I guess from there, I thought I could show him I like him and start wishing we had more time to actually know each other. We never talked that much until the day I was living when I was in the plane. From there, I thought I was dumb because he seems to be interested and if only one of us had tried something, well I would have got kisses to remember now. Crying inside now. And yes drama queen always.
So I guess back to Nyc, him still in Benin, we talked for like 3 days, I didn’t know if it was gonna last. I mean I was attracted but I didnt thought it would go anywhere really but it did. We don’t live in the same country, but I connected with him like I did with no one. I have to say that I’m also always attracted by people who doesn’t live in the same city than me, and no I don’t do it on purpose x). After texting all the time, we started calling each other all the time too. There was a few days off I thought he wasn’t interested (after the full 3 days of talking per msgs) and when I was thought it was over before it even started, he came back to me and I was clear to him. Mrs Rightie was so proud of me for actually standing up and saying clearly what I wanted and was looking for and also what I wouldn’t allow. I wasn’t gonna loose any time, either he was really interested and was gonna make efforts meaning texting and calling me all the time you know that’s the only way we had. I thought he wouldn’t appreciate me being so straightforward at the beginning but since then he did what I wanted of him. We were only texting before but after this discussion, he actually starts to call me. He is been there for me since that day. And a few months after we started talking he asked me officially to be his girlfriend. I know, most of my friends thing I’m courageous for agreeing to date someone who is so far and also with whom I didn’t actually get to go on dates. I must say that I wouldn’t have thought that would happen to but growing up and going on several dates with no hope for a future, I knew this could be something because I seemed to really like him and let’s face it, how many times does this happen ? For me to actually like a guy who actually likes me ? More than rare.
So it’s been what 3/4 months now that we’re together, it definitely feels like more. He was supposed to come visit me in Nyc around March/April but thanks to Corona, he couldn’t. Thanks to Corona, we’re still so far and we’re so frustrated not to be together still, I mean physically. And the worst is that we have no idea when we’re finally gonna see each other. I can imagine having to tell my kids about dating their dad for a year while so far away because of Corona, lmao. Right now, we have the best video calls but I just miss him so much and hope to see him before 2021 y’all.
Does anyone is living a similar relationship ? Let me know in comments if so and how it’s going, love, Oriane xoxoxo