I cry less lately. Lately meaning since my last post. Not that anything is different. Sleep is a tiny better I guess. My family is back home now, maybe my heart is more at peace because I know they made it safe at least, they’re enjoying the hot weather, the pool, the beaches, the amazing food.. one of my sister is even using my room, like I better send my ghost out there to keep my room and stuff as they should be *cryinginside.

I don’t know. I guess I try not to think about it too much (ok except when I’m writing for sure but that’s a way to empty myself, it makes me feel better). Or maybe my body is out of tears. Is it even humanely possible? To wanna cry but to see no tears? Who knows. The only thing I know for sure is that I wish I were there. I should have been there, but again life isn’t fear, that’s why it’s probably called Life. But I’m not there and who knows when I’m gonna be able to. Seriously, it probably won’t be before mid or end of next year, and that’s if I’m lucky. Oh well. The fucking states. You come but you can’t leave at least you want to leave for good.

All I can do now is hoping to make it somewhere warm for the New Year eve at least.. in the States yes cause I obviously can’t fly out otherwise I wont be able to enter the US again. Stupid covid. Without you, the US embassy back home would still be opened and I would have been able to go for the holidays and to finalize my new visa that I spent so much time and money on (I couldn’t pay my rent when covid hits because of that, thanks God, I got a little help and thanks God, it’s better now, at least, today) so I can enter the US without any issues. 

Well we’re trying with the girls to go to an island in the US for New Year. It’s pretty complicated with Rona out there but I really really really hope we make it. Yall pray for us please! Can’t start the New Year in the nyc cold and in dusty flatbush, please, I wouldn’t be able to start the new year in a positive and inspiring way. Like please no. I would have to just pack and go home, at that point..

When I think that New Year last year I was on a beach in Assinie, Ivory Coast and the year before in Cotonou… damn! big damn! 2020 what a year! I think we’re all ready to be done with this tough year and move to a hopeful 2021. Amen. Inshallah. Preach.

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